establishment

I think I already want to start getting less formal with this journal. It scares me when I look at what I wrote in that previous post simply because it is so formal and proper. i aint perfektly formal so i dont wanna act like it all the time. (it is fun every now and then, however, to confirm my belief that I do have a little class and cultural abilities.)

I intend to continue on with the last post throughout the period of time that I post on here so there's no need to rush back into the deep stuff quite yet. I want to blab a little bit more (blab as opposed to whine and complain which equals content of my previous blog) on me, myself, and that guy in the corner. And wouldn't you know it, I wasted all my energy on the build-up that I can't even remember what I was going to say... almost.

I constantly find myself trying to reach a place of maturity where I can begin to adequately question my surroundings and place in time; all hippy-like but without the green vacations on the clouds. I have always considered myself too mature for my age, but then I want to disregard that thought because someone who is properly mature wouldn't question his maturity.... right? bleh. I'm just sad that I was never able to have the average youth and childhood. I never went out to parties or snuck out of the house at night or blatantly disobeyed my parents. I don't have stories to tell of the time I.. did anything remotely interesting. My two years of university have so far been filled with extreme boredom and it's certainly no help that I attend a technical university in a shopping mall, where social activity is defined as the process of fragging oneanother over the lan.

It would be so entirely refreshing to have the space and freedom to grow as an individual and see who I really am. So far this summer I've really been drawn in by cbcRadio3 to all aspects of it's presentation - the technical side, the written side, the music and imagery sides.... it's just so... me? I think?

oOOOOooo there we go; the thing I was going to say earlier that I forgot. its nothing big but enough to break up that approaching heaviness I was leading to... with this - oh screw it, i'll say blog. i hate the word blog! always have; probably always will. - so with this blog i decided to keep its whereabouts completely unknownst to all my existing friends and internet acquaintances. I don't want to have to feel like I'm writing to please any certain individual, and by writing to an audience I have yet to learn about, I'm able to display a great amount of freedom in what I say and what I don't - emphasis not on the don't. The trouble comes in seeing how far I can go to draw readers without drawing those I already know... but by that point at least I wasn't the one to give them the link, and hopefully I won't be so ooo look at me, im so professional and writerly and thoughtful. Take my words and contemplate their deep philosophical meanings!

I need recharging time... if I actually have a visitor during my sleepings, for the love of puppies; comment or share my url so I can feel validated as a man of great wisdom or utter crap.