mcsigh

I'm supposed to be leaving to go to McWork right now, but I don't feel like it just yet. So instead I shall post. I simply need to say that I'm tired; tired of thinking, tired of sleeping, tired of ... trying to live. Now don't get me wrong, the last thing I would ever do is go and kill myself or somethin, and I'm not a drinker or a druggie or a sex addict so I can't even go and destroy my body that way. The way I destroy my body is with my mind. For the last week or so I haven't been able to fall asleep until around 4AM, even if I get into bed at 11pm. My brain will not quit.

Yesterday my mom tried to convince me to go to a bbq the youth pastor was putting on for the youth (im 20: not so much a youth). I said I didn't want to, sisters came home so I now had a ride to get there, so she made me go with them saying I need to get a life (in the nice here, im trying to help you, sort of way.)

The thing she doesn't understand is that I have a life, and I have many friends that I cannot see because she doesn't like me on the bus going out to vancouver.... so I sit in my room and therefore do not have a life. I don't know how to resolve it, and it is ruining the friendships I do have.

The main problem is that I have always tried to obey my parents. I'm one of those chillun who does what they say without a fuss: always. I am the cinderella of this house. Of my three sisters and myself, I am the only one with regular chores - the only one who stays home all saturday to help in the yard - the one who doesn't blow up when she asks to vacuum the house.... but I get no recognition for it, and now apparently I need help getting a life.

well thumbs up to you, parents. Potentially the worst part about this, is I have no idea when I will be able to escape. They're still quite against the concept of me moving out, and even now they're against me finding a real full-time job. full time at mcdonalds is ok, but downtown in an office? what? no, go apply at saveon.

I need trust. That is all I need. I'm not a "bye mom and dad, i'm gonna go become a male prostitute and let everyone corrupt me" better go to work.