September 05, 2004
filler
I want to post something, but I can't think of anything to post. Except a post about wanting to post something. It could work... for a few sentences... and then I could blend it into some form of complaining about myself, like for instance my stubborn ignorance. The best example of which would be my lack of eating again. It's fun, but not really, but it is. I don't get it. It's almost like some form of sick challenge. To see how little I can eat during a day. And then I have no energy and am always tired, but do I change? nope. Cause it's fun, but not really, but it is.
I kinda sorta wanna learn more about eating disorders just to see how well I would be able to associate with people, while not actually being one of them.
<< landscape of life | Main | realization >> 09:06 PM by RobIt's really quite interesting though. I want to get into the topic more, but I don't really; I want people to understand exactly what I want to say, but I don't want them to start to get worried. So there's enough of that topic for now.
I've set the default skin back to prairie blue - I finally saw the landscape one on a decent monitor and it is pretty dern hard to read, and way brighter/grayer than I had intended. I plan to purchase a notebook when my student loan money comes, and the redesign fixup will be one of the first things I do with it.
Ok screw trying to not be too personal, I wanna talk about me to see other peoples' opinions.
I like to say it's because I'm poor and cheap. I don't want to spend money on food when I don't desperately need it... which seems to happen more and more. I like having a flat stomach. For those of you who know me, that's where you say "wasn't it always flat?" I'm skinny, but can always get skinnier in the belly region; which seems like the only location for any fat deposit on my body. When I used to eat mcdonalds every time I had a shift there, the belly grew big and would jiggle when I tapped it. The rest of me was normally skinny, apart from the jelly belly. So then I stopped eating mcdonalds food because I didn't like what it did to me. Now theres no tapping, but there's not much to tap anyway. The odd thing is, with the added stomach padding, I was still skinnier than the far, far majority of people. Why am I still talking about this?
The longer I go without eating very much, the easier it is to go even longer.
Bleh. I feel like deleting all that because it's boring and ..questionable, but I'm not going to because then I'll feel like there was something I needed to censor, which maybe there was, but oh well.
Oh hey I got out of the house yesterday. Went to the Pacific National Exhibition with a friend and a couple friends of his. It was entertaining. Then they dragged me to a club to go dancing. That was not entertaining. Old people everywhere; one of the friends and I sat at a table for about 2hours looking bored as .. something really bored, while the other two danced. Clubs suck. I don't dance, I don't drink, I can't talk when I can't hear anything, what's the point of going? none. no point at all. just like this post!
comment and tell me what to write about next.
If I told you to eat, Would you? I have a client i work with who did that and got sick. fainting in public places cause he would not eat for hours and days, then go out an expect to function properly. When he collapsed at a shopping mall with his friends and THEY all took off and left him laying on the floor alone, he smartened up, cause he could have DIED. Nobody knew he wasn't EATING, and he did NOT tell anyone either. Nobody won.
So cheap student, my plan for my boy was this, he went out to a cheap thrift store and bought a dining table to eat at. THEN he went shopping for food that he had to cook for himself, and sitting at the table for ALL of his meals gave him a structure. Instead of eating in front of the TV and or the computer.
He has gained about 25 pounds in the last 6 months. and hes alive and much happier. his grades are good and he gets out and has a job too. He WAS a success. Being SKINNY is not IN. YOU should have SOME body rather than NOBODY. YOU are NO GOOD to anyone including yourself if you are SICK OR DEAD !!!! smarten up before you end up sick in some rehab clinic with a fucking eating disorder. Why did I reply - cause i read your blog every day, stop being stupid and STOP worrying about everything the WORLD tells you YOU should BE. and fuck them and so become the MAN YOU were meant to BE.
You could be worse off... You could be alone, Sick, Have Aids or something and have much bigger problems than you have now. if you have body issues find out WHY? are you listening to THEM or are you listening to YOU????
Need I slam you over the head with a 2 x 4 and say EAT or youre gonna get sick and die !!!!
If you are bored and have idle time on your hands then you can gladly take some of my issues for a day, a wekk, or longer....
Stop the INSANITY ...
We grow up, we get a little chunky and thats why GOD created exercise and the GYM.
be well, and let me know what you think about my rant!!!
Peace,
Jeremy
I suppose I should have added that I've always been skinny, and up until a year or so ago, I was always the one with the biggest lunch at school, always had a huge dinner at home with the family, always ate breakfast, all that. I didn't get why none of it would stay on the body, but it was probably because it was all good, healthy food.
but thanks for the comment.
Posted by: rob at September 5, 2004 10:10 PMage and metabolism play a part in your weight loss or gain, it will moderate over time. stop worrying about getting FAT. i mean if you gain more than 50 pounds very quickly then id worry, from 5 to 10 pounds is nominal. you're a growing boy. if you dont feed you r body you will SCREW up way more than you realize. organs need energy to operate correctly. if you dont eat, and your body reacts and something goes bad, then youll be in BIG trouble.
Jeremy says " Eat your VEGGIES, MEAT and POTATOS" or else youll get NO DESSERT...
Posted by: jeremy at September 6, 2004 12:19 AMheheh skelly face!! maybe you should go get some fat plugged into you...and i kinda did notice the lack of structure when we went PNEing. i tried to feed him, i really did. i REALLY REALLY did. he just wont consume. me, i like food. i will eat and eat and eat. also known as spending and more spending. stupid family programming all these mental standards into my head.
well i sleep now for i 'fling poo'. mmm-monkey.
note to robert - that did not count as the one time you promised to go clubbbing. christopher's bday is approaching and you know he'll want to go clubbing...as much as you would rather he not. if you can make up a relavent excuse not to go then maybe we'll let it slide but...you know how i am. much anger!!
Posted by: rod at September 6, 2004 02:10 AM