futura

Looking at my archives, I haven't really posted anything to think about recently. I attribute this to my lack of thinking about things as a whole. It's different, and it's nice. Letting the future come to you instead of trying to get there by your own power. I haven't seriously considered the discussion I was so into as little as a couple weeks ago - the discussion, of course, about homosexuality and all that. Am I allowed to say that I just don't let it take any deep hold in my mind anymore?

It's a good thing, though. It means I'm not constantly questioning this and that and wearing my brain out in the process. I'm just... being; existing. Going to school, going to work, wasting time on the computer and in front of the tv, and not really doing anything else. I mean sure the stuff is still interesting to me, but I've realized that I will never come to any concrete conclusions about any of it. I can't. Every aspect of life seems to be dependent on at least one other, and one cannot simply define certain segments without affecting most others.

An event happens, a memory is made, knowledge is gained, and with it perhaps a new understanding of the subjects involved, and the process repeats itself. Often there are multiple events at a time. Some are physical, definable moments lasting a few hours. Others are more conceptual feelings lasting years or even decades.

I can't wait until I find that person who understands me better than I, whatever gender they may be. That one who knows what I'm going to say before I even say it. I can't wait to have a bank account that will finally give me the freedom to feel confident about my surroundings.. and I can't wait to wake up every morning, walk out onto a balcony on the 30th floor, and enjoy the sun rising over the mountains. Perhaps with a warm liquid of sorts, which may or may not be good for my health. Head off to the office/loft/studio, and before I know it I'm back home.

But you know what? I'm good with things as they are, right now. I may not think I am at all times..., in fact I may wish to have nothing to do with the present, but it is just another moment. One to work with and help to build my growing library of experience and knowledge. No one else has had the exact same life as I have so far, so why would I want to leave that and go walk in a path that has already been paved?

Especially when I got my loan money today and expect to be writing these updates on a powerbook in a week or so? :)