twenty-one

happy birthday to me.

'Twas this day 21 years ago that I was born. Interesting story really; I'm bored so I shall briefly tell it to you now.

It was early January and I wasn't due for another couple of months when my mom started experiencing an odd pain in her abdonmen. Figuring it couldn't be the baby, from having prior experience with childbirth, she soon went to the hospital anyway. It was found that her appendix had burst. Fun time you say? Even more fun considering burst appendices provide a good helping of acid to the tissue around that area - which in this case just so happened to be me. I'm told the operation was quite interesting. Little baby me was brought into the world that night, but didn't get to experience much: They had to remove me in order to get to the problem area. Dad says he had the pleasure of holding me in what must have been my ugly, cramped, little home they call the placenta. Everything fixed, I'm shoved back in to develop for my remaining couple of months. But that plan sucked, so some hours later I made my 2nd attempt to escape (apparently kicking an appendix to death wasn't enough?). This time it worked, and the doctor, not believing the urgency of the sitation, ended up 'catching' me before he could even get both gloves on. If you ask me, I still think I was dropped. No one will admit it even though it would explain a lot of things. Think about it: Soaked in crazy body acid, born about 1.5 months ahead of schedule, and possibly dropped on the floor?

The interesting thing is that apparently doctors now keep up on children born prematurely to make sure they're not missing something they should have developed, either physically or mentally. I liked to use that as my excuse whenever I got a bad test score (funny thing is it could be valid).

If you're not overly weirded out by now, you can always comment and share your story. It's so much better than any other sort of story regarding the emergence from small, dark spaces... and I don't think I'll have one of those stories for some time yet.

However: I have realized that I really, desperately would like someone to talk to about it. It's hard enough trying to deal with everything else on my own, and when this issue is next to the most prominent issue in my life, it's sad that it is the only one I can't discuss. I mean discussing with family or a member of my church - I can talk about it with randoms as much as I want but it won't get me any further to finding a state of peace. I want to say that can be my goal for this year, although such accomplishments must not be rushed. I know that much. *sigh*

You know, this is my third time writing an entry today. The first was short and weird, the second was long and very negative. I like this one. I feel quite content with it, and with jamie cullum crooning in the background, the only thing that could make this moment better is.. well, everything, so that doesn't work. But hey; I'm inside in the warmth only a home can provide, looking out at the moonlit snow that has stuck around from last week. I had yesterday and today off from work, and tomorrow is my 21st birthday. I know that my family, although disturbingly crazy, loves me even though they don't show it, and I have a nephew who just brightens me up whenever I see him; greeting me with a husky "rrrbah!" (robert in 15month-old language).

Yep. This is my life and it's good enough for me.

Now it's time to start living it. I've got to stop being a tuition saver with every paycheque and start having a little fun. I need to experience the world, I need to make mistakes. I need to go!

These are the days that I've been missing,
give me the taste, give me the joy of summer wine.

These are the days,
These are the days,
These are the days...
- jamie cullum

*oct2005 - I thought I hated google for logging my pages, but thanks to the google caching I was able to find this post after it was lost due to server expiry!*