In all honesty, you know who you are, who cares about anyone else? You can be honest with yourself and God and not have to worry about how man treats the issue. Why do you have to tell everyone, or anyone? Just live, and as the time comes where you feel the need to share that fact with someone, then go for it. If they truely care for you, it won't make the slightest difference. You don't have to be 'the first,' and I'm sure you're not. Just because you don't openly announce it to everyone doesn't mean you're not being hoenst.

Sexuality isn't something to be worn on your sleeve. I wear mine on the inside, where I feel it belong. Near my heart and in tune with my head. I don't blurt it, for it is not important to my identity, it's just who I'll give my heart to.

While I do agree that no one (straight or gay) should go around flaunting their sexuality, the fact is that straight people wear their sexuality on their sleeves all the time. They wear their wedding rings, they hold hands, they flirt with each other, they point out members of the opposite sex that they are attracted to, they talk about their crushes... and in everything they do they declare (in a roundabout way) "I'm straight -- my sexual desires are for the opposite sex." Of course, no one thinks this, which is fine, but when I, as a gay woman, say that I think another woman is pretty, I'm suddenly flaunting my sexuality.

I understand that we don't need to tell everyone, but the fact is that gay people have just as much of a need or desire to talk about their lives, their feelings, even their crushes as anyone else. If we were straight, no one would question this need, but because we're gay it becomes a matter of 'wearing our sexuality on our sleeve'. People need community, friends. God designed us that way. It's just so frustrating to have to shut this part of us away from people for so much of the time for fear of their reaction.

At least, this is my experience.

WHOA.
#1--my wife, Grace, sent me here to your site. 
#2—Your blog is beautiful! well designed, clean, and laid out nicely! good work. (for what it's worth). 
#3--for a long time, i have struggled with same-sex attraction disorder. i have finally faced this as a struggle and a way God is attempting to use my life to glorify Him. not easy. but I now see purpose in it—although i’m not yet to the rejoicing part yet. :) 
#4—WHOA (again). reading your 10/30 post was almost like reading myself. So funny (not funny "haha" but funny "intersting/odd/random") how many of the sentiments you expressed i share with you! [Although how we feel is possibly not all that uncommon.] 

anyway...i have a few comments, if you don't mind. 

first ... i believe you're right about the "label" thing. at least that's what my therapist suggested to me and I have since tended to agree. 

next, i'd like to let you know that you're not alone on the "needing to be around men" thing. i believe that if i (speaking only for myself here) had that all along, perhaps i wouldn't have had reason to struggle so. don't misunderstand: Grace is AWESOME in all the girly/womanly ways possible. but she's no dude. (And she runs like a girl, too. LOL) 

AND A HEARTY "AMEN" to your comment about being real and transparent in the Church. ironically, that's where i sometimes feel the most lost. at least in the world at-large, i don't feel so completely isolated and "different." (sometimes even in the world i still do but that's a different post.) i will say that while i haven't gone church-wide with this particular struggle [and this isn't my only one...i struggle with materialism, envy, self-control (or lack thereof), etc.], i have shared this struggle with a group of about 5 men and in the process (which has gone from excruciating to much easier) has been so freeing to me and has been a big part of how i have arrived at a much more healthy place and self-image than ever before in my life as i become the whole man God intended me to be! i share this with you so that you may have hope even as i do. 

that said: i share with you a similar fear of rejection. not just from men--altho that gender in particular--but from a community of God-fearers who do not understand the nature of this particular struggle with Godliness. (These individuals may also choose to overlook other struggles as less It's really no different that anything else but they associate it with a huge "yuck" factor and many other "labels" (child-abuser, etc.). i fear that. 

but mostly, i fear transparency. I fear accountability. I fear people finding out the real me. 

i don't know where in all this our similar paths diverge. i just wanted to share with you some of my experiences. I am learning to open up--and most importantly, TRUST--others of my gender. to share this struggle. to reach out to those who struggle with LIFE. 

all the while, wondering.... "God, what is your purpose in me no longer hiding...? what do you want me to do with this??" 

and yeah, I think I know the answer. 

fun times. 

i know you are hurting. and damn if that mask doesn’t get to hurtin’, too! 
my prayer for you is Romans 15:13... 

t-dub

arg, t-dub... "same-sex attraction disorder" - it isn't even a cool acronym or anything

The problem isn’t always with who you are – sometimes it can be with what you believe.

Oh also, you also seem to have your head up your own ass a little bit – no offense but you really don’t have any huge problems and you come off sounding a wee bit self-absorbed. You are who you are – sure there are conflicts you need to figure out but that is life… and how it is for everyone… and it isn’t as though anyone is going to die

I know, not really what you were looking for but I do honestly think it is good advice – for myself as much as anyone else.

Sean,
you are astute in your assumptions of TDub as being self-absorbed and that these very assumptions may be best aimed back at you. TDub may have sounded a bit self-absorbed in his comment. Tdub is relating to Rob about issues/tendancies/SINS that are about SELF (all sins are, actually)...and so...it makes sense that he would sound a bit "self-absorbed".

I can tell you firsthand....YES...Tdub can be very self-absorbed....but really, not more than I am. And....if you(or I) call him self-absorbed, we really only hate ourselves and abhor our own self-absorption. He (Tdub) is, in the grand scheme of things, an extremely loving, devoted, and unselfish husband.
Just had to say it. :)
love in Him,
grace

Gracy,
While it is true that I don't think too highly of "tdub" based on his comment I actuly wasn't talking about him... as much as I like Rob I was talking about what he had origionaly written. Sorry for not being more clear and yes it is good advice for me as well

(although... maybe thinking that everyone is talking about you is the highest sign of self absorption)

yes Seany...you are right! :) I am just self-absorbed enough vicariously through tdub to have imagined you were talking to him....OR...maybe i'm just really protective of him...who knows.
But go ahead and apply my same comments with regard to Rob because it's the same difference.
I can't imagine why you'd think less of tdub OR rob based on their honest sharing of ideas/thoughts/feelings. That's, I guess, what puzzles me most about your comment/tone.

It may not seem like such a big problem, but it actually is because it involves faith. True, no one may die from the discussion, but there are a lot of emotional strings attached, and in the end, if it concerns faith, it concerns heaven and hell, and the questions that come with it.

It's not as easy as "be yourself" or other platitudes like that. There are so many complex issues one has to take into account... And as for being self-absorbed, well, it's something everyone has a right to, since we all have problems, though some more complicated than others. And unless you have to handle the problem with being gay and Christian, you probably won't get why it's as hard as it is.

Thanks all for the comments.

Sean, one of the main reasons I decided to stop writing last year was because I noticed I was becoming too self-absorbed. I recognized it at the time, and I recognzied that having a blog was such an easy way to be self-absorbed. I didn't want to be seen like that, so I stopped.

Then I decided I didn't care anymore and started writing again. Like Grace said, and as you probably know, the point of this site is for me to talk about myself, not my trips to the grocery store or movie reviews etc. But I still do appreciate your honest advice.