hmmm....that is alot to think about.

i do think the mother/son thing determining who'd be a good mate has to break down at some point....i mean, my boys are all so different, personality-wise. it may be that they'll just have to find a woman who'll love them and put up with them as much as i do! :)
i do believe that all 4 of mine will need to find patient women....and that does happen to be one of my personal virtues.

grace

I must say, you do go a long way to try and explain "it" and possibly get rid of "it". And I don't really know you, but I'm still quite sure you are gay, so all the explaining-away will only prolong the tension, the hiding, the not-fitting-in-anywhere part...

One of my lesbian friends was born prematurely. But even if, say, there was this cute female nurse and all.... Surely, bonding with her mother as a girl wouldn't made her more or less gay than she is now? And I have other friends who were born prematurely, boys and girls, and the rest of the lot have turned out straight. Though I must say it's a theory I've never even come across before :)

My quads were born three months early. There were mainly female nurses, the odd male doctor, and us. They're only 5, and even though my Thomas is more than average interested in his sister Anna's dolls (and now got his own for Christmas!) it's way too early to tell if he - or anyone else of them - is gay. We'll wait and see. And even though people around us "suspect" (with a smile, though) that Thomas might be gay, I've got my mind set on Filip. He's best looking (dimples always got to me...), he loves cooking (he knows quite a few recipes already!), he's very much into his mum... Well, I'll do my best not to shun him even if he should turn out straight ;)

So I was born, 3 weeks premature, Breech and Cesarean! Talk about shock therapy at birth! My mother and I were close, but not close enough it seems, since I no longer talk to her or my father, because as it was told to me I was a mistake! talk about shock therapy.

It is far better to be a good man, than a right man. Question: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?? If one is not comfortable with certain situations, then it is up to you to be able to have the courage to say, No, i'm sorry I just can't do that. (then) there are, at times, the need to be graceful under pressure, you know, sometimes we must do things we are not necessarily comfortable with, to save the greater good of the situation. (If the outcome of your decision affects the entire dinner party) then you must consider what is better - to go with the flow - or to say no to being uncomfortable.

I have since counseled you in the fine art of making no choice and standing at the crossroads without lables, because labels are better for others involved not necessarily for your own good. This is one of those tasks you will have to consider wisely as to how you are going to navigate it. Sometimes saying NO is better than saying NOTHING! Because it is in our silences that people read into what THEY think we mean, and you know, loose lips sinks ships!

If this is about saving your mother trauma, I can tell you, that (we) my hubby and I both make concessions to make my mother in law comfortable - when we are in her house or when she visits ours, there is just a "way" one acts and does things - it is an exact science, but now after 4 years my mother in law knows when she has overstepped her boundaries. Sometimes keeping mom in the dark as to who we are, is better than throwing it in their faces, you know? sometimes one must walk the middle ground...

They say that how we were born affects us in our older age because doctors have studies the traumatic birth stories of so many people, and can nail us down with one sentance? I don't know if that holds true for all of us. That you were incubated after birth may speak of the introversion you now exhibit as a young man, but you know, that may change, you see, once you make "the distinction" of who you are to yourself, then the world, that introversion (or i.e. protection) will serve you well, introvert people do not like the stage, so to speak, which could also speak of the uncomfortability you feel about the upcoming event.

So young soldier, what to do? Live each day as it comes in 24 hour incriments. Don't sweat the small stuff, don't let science drive you insane with "what if's and predelictions" be yourself and stand up for what you feel and believe, even if that goes against the family grain, it is time to start thinking and living as YOU would want to, not how OTHERS want you TO. If you don't start this process now, you will never start it later. People Pleasers never grow up!

How you were raised and felt as a child all changes once you become an adult, and if you were my son, I would tell you that all of us boys go through this gay or straight, but you know, some of us had it harder than others, that is why I invest so much time in talking to you, so that you have "full rounded experience and vision" from a friend and an older man who has walked a similar path in some cases.

Do what you feel is right, stay in prayer and communion with God and Trust your gut when it speaks to you, because when push comes to shove, the GUT never lies to us, if you learn to discern it and listen well to it.

I just thought of something... I have met two or three girls who I've loved being around, who I've been jealous of when they've been with other friends - it might have been infatuation. The difference is - I never wanted to get physical, not even when really close / sleeping over etc. Just wanted to "own" them, I guess, because they were my soul mates... I don't know if this is the case with you and "this girl", I just thought I'd mention it :)

I was thinking about our conversation, and you know what? You challenge us all to be honest and authentic christians in a world that is less than accommodating. And you challenge me to be a better man every day. cheers

I like this argument a lot. It makes people think about the whole "Nature vs. Nurture." I don't think being gay is programmed into someone. I think it has more (a lot more) to do with how you were raised and your surroundings. I think it's a choice... and whether or not you decide to supress it or let overcome you it up to the person.

I'm sorry - perhaps I shouldn't say anything, I mean, I'm not gay, and I haven't felt this in the flesh, as it were - but does anyone actually believe it's a choice? None of my gay friends would have chosen to be gay, if it had been that simple!!? It's so much easier NOT having to call your entire family and tell them you won't be bringing home a daughter-in-law or grandchildren! (Rather a son-in-law and stepchildren...) One friend recently left her husband of 13 years, not being able to pretend she could actually truly love him for what he was - with what she was - anymore.
- If it was a choice? Why would anyone choose it? (Perhaps the odd inhabitant of San Francisco or Greenwich Village... But apart from those...?)

Still, why would anyone choose to be unhappy - either living alone, or with someone who couldn't fulfill their life's dreams - if they didn't have to?? I'm at a loss here..