January 19, 2006
opportunity
This is interesting. Over the past few days I’ve begun to see my perspective shift. I don’t see it as a bad shift; it’s more likely something that will help put my mind to ease. You see, in my mind, a heterosexual relationship was the only human relationship that seemed to have any depth to it. Whenever I thought about me with a woman, verses me with a man, the imagined life with a woman appeared appeared absolutely limitless... like there would be such a level of.. tangible fullness. I don’t know if it was in part because of the potential for natural child bearing, or a mixture of everything all piled together. The thing is.. now I don’t see much of a difference.
<< incubation | Main | power out >> 08:06 PM by RobIt feels so different. The times when I used to imagine life with another man it would feel like I knew everything. I could see our lives from beginning to end, and it was all right there.. no mystery, no fullness, no depth at all. It’s not like that anymore. Regardless of which gender I imagine myself with, there is love and fullness, and the requisite level of uncertainty. It feels so great :)
Of course those connections in my brain wouldn’t have spontaneously put themselves into place, it took a good friend to help them along. And I don’t know for sure if I’ll always think this way, but I think it wouldn’t make much sense to go back.
I mean... I can believe that I would be happy with a man. I wouldn’t have to compromise much other than the ability to naturally have children that would fully be ours, but I suppose that isn’t necessary. He raised a good point about couples that are infertile, or for one reason or another aren’t able to have children of their own. Somehow, during all of my thinking about children etc. I had neglected to take into account heterosexual couples who would essentially be in the same position.
And who am I to say that children would be in my future even if I do end up finding a woman? It feels like there are so many options and opportunities available to me now.. the real hard part is trying to decipher which direction is more right than another.
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I suppose I should also add that I created a new theme a few days ago. To apply it to all pages of the site, just click on the "Opportunity" link on the menu under the Style header (if you don't like it, you can always change it back). Besides, it isn’t really winter here anymore, and I’m ready for spring. I also hadn’t designed a good old deconstructed layout for a while so it was time. I hope you enjoy all the colours :)
Don’t think I have much else to say right now, apart from saying that I’ve heard “Adventures in Missing the Point
That’s it for now... although make sure to read my comments below if you're not quite clear.
hmmm....this is great....i love hearing your thinking process....which of course makes me want to know more!! i guess i'm left wondering where your relationship with Christ is in all this....not questioning that you've considered it or brought it into account....just don't hear it as a part of your thinking process here....which of course doesn't mean it's not there. I'm such a weenie!!! not wanting to offend!! hehe!! WHERE IS GOD IN ALL THIS??!!! hahaha!! I guess it's okay to ask that? I feel certain it is because I know you and I know that HE IS THERE! love you!!! grace
Posted by: grace at January 19, 2006 09:03 PMHehe, the entire time I was writing it I noticed I hadn't mentioned God anywhere... and I don't think I always have to, as long as I know He's there, like you said. I think He's sitting by watching my thoughts go... keeping an eye on things. All this really means, though it's a big all, is if I end up even finding a really great male friend to spend my life with, I know I'll be content and happy as long as God is still the center of my life... but at least I won't be constantly, secretly craving a woman to feel complete... cause I'll have that completion in God and him.
Posted by: rob at January 19, 2006 09:38 PMEverything changes, the longer we walk along. "There are plenty of children who need good homes" all over the world and included Canada. Whether you settle down with a man or a woman, having children is just a matter of time, not necessarily how. Science and social and personal rights have changed the face of child attainment and raising.
I think it is good to look ahead, but I think you are looking a little too far forward. The heterosexual "obsession" with marriage and procreation is a program that will take time to "RE-Program."
A relationship based upon the foundations of Love, Respect, God and Humanity can be achieved on either side of the fence "so to speak." No one owns the market on what's right or good. We will become who we are meant to be, with the guidance and love of those who are part of our years of formation and foundation.
I just think you are a little too young to be saddled with the responsibility to have to dwell of the fact that you can procreate and have children. There is plenty of time for that later on, For now, shouldn't we worry and dwell on other things that are a bit more important? Don't get stuck in the "What If's!!" because it will drive you insane. And we have been trying to avoid that at all costs.
Posted by: jeremy at January 20, 2006 03:30 PMI didn't intend to place too much emphasis on children in this post, but I do need to say that they are important to me. I don't think we need, or should try to "RE-Program" the heterosexual "obsession" with marriage and procreation. This part of the world has already moved so far away from such a program that if it wasn't for immigration, we would probably just about die off in a hundred years.
Your statement that "A relationship based upon the foundations of Love, Respect, God and Humanity can be achieved on either side of the fence" is exactly what I'm started to realize in my own life, and I suppose that's all I meant to say in my entry above. I think my remarks about children are useful, however, because I have always wanted a family of my own. I'm not looking too far forward, in fact I'm only beginning to think this way by telling myself to live a day a time.
A future family is my one exception, and it's not a responsibility I'm forced to carry by any traditional upbringing or any other influence. When I look at my grandparents, I see how much love they have in their lives, thanks to family. Their children, grand children, and great grandchildren are all such a blessing. I can't imagine how they would be doing so well if their family consisted of just the two of them. "For now, shouldn't we worry and dwell on other things that are a bit more important?"... what is more important than God, love, and family?
I'm not saying I won't rest until I have a family. I am saying that right now, it is one thing I don't want to compromise.
Posted by: rob at January 20, 2006 03:52 PMI agree totally with what you said, I just think having to worry about family this early in your life is a hinderance, not a help. Lets take a look at all the children having children all over the world. that IS a problem, which speaks to the "availability" of children for any family.
Yes, family is important, I agree. How many boys in your age grou are considering the "family" question right now in their lives? and why be pressured to procreate? I find that problematic. If that's what you want then more power to you, I just don't think that everyone should procreate, take a look at all the adults with developmental problems from their parents!!
A house, a partner (male or female) and 3.2 children and a dog is a nice goal. I err on the side of caution. There are more important issues to deal with right now I think. Whether you have children will come later on in your life. don't grow up too fast because you might miss something on the way up if you do that.
Posted by: jeremy at January 20, 2006 04:06 PM