March 31, 2006
cento
I remember when I used to dream. When I would imagine what the future might hold for me. A talented movie director? Special effects artist? Compositor? Photographer? Interactive designer? Musician? Singer? Husband? Father? One day I would get there and my life would be right. The person I was meant to be would finally exist.. I don't dream anymore. It feels like I've sold out to the world. I've said, "Fine, I quit," and let the currents toss me in whichever direction they desired. I write to distract my attention from what I really am. One-hundred pointless ramblings to prevent me from living the life I don't want to live. Congratulations. Gold star, please.
<< reciprocity | Main | mighty is... >> 12:19 AM by Rob***
I don't know the man I see in the mirror anymore. Not like I ever fully knew him, but at least I had an idea of what was hiding beneath the mask. All I see now is a narcissistic, egocentric, deceitful little boy, and I don't much care for him. He likes me though. Because he knows I like having him around, and he knows I'm not strong enough to change. I hate him for knowing me so well. I hate me for letting him.
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Since the previous entry, I've wanted to tell parents about me so the conversation could be the topic of entry number one-hundred. Funny how the internet distorts reality so much that it begins to take precedence over reality itself.
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Following Eugene, I've completed the little personal DNA test and it labelled me a Considerate Designer. Results here
very cool - right on, too . but then, this IS a classic personality test ...
Posted by: adam at March 31, 2006 01:12 PMThe test describes you along the same lines you describe yourself in your posts. The way you're not that friendly with yourself is sad to see, but not very surprising. I'm looking very much forward to the post where you've told your parents, and they're not really that surprised, just very happy for you to have told them.. I hope it won't be long now!
I'm fortunate not having to deal with such difficult choices and emotions on my own behalf that you do. Yet, the feeling that the internet is sometimes more real than real life is very imminent. I tend to split memories and happenings into blog posts. In English.. It's a nice escape, the internet, and you're well into escaping for the time being, it seems. Escapism doesn't have to be bad, of course, but sometimes real life just edges in and you have to be able to deal with that too.
I wrote a much longer comment than this one some minutes ago, but the comment got lost when I tried previewing :( Perhaps I'll tell you that little story later. Hope this spring and summer you'll find out what you want to and need to do - and that it includes both coming out and moving out. And not just being found out. (In the mean time if you want to just fly out, try Lisbon - photos on my blog if you care - beautiful city full of gorgeous men..)
Posted by: Scholiast at April 4, 2006 01:26 PMi tried leaving a note via this form (http://www.robertwesley.com/colophon.html) and it didn't work, so i will leave my message here instead!
just wanted to say that i love your work and design style. also, i really enjoy your photos here: http://eden.rbostyle.com.
Posted by: allison at April 9, 2006 12:49 AM