prospect point

My opportunity presented itself today. The opportunity to open a dialogue with the parents, that is. It's January 1st, it could have been an interesting way to begin 2007, and the bait was there, suspended directly in front of me, but I couldn't bite. I was downtown on Granville Island having a nice dinner with the mom at The Keg. She was given gift cards for Christmas, and I'd never been there before... She was brought up understanding that New Years Day was the day to do everything you couldn't do on Christmas.. like have some more good turkey dinner, company, games, and all sorts of fun without wasting time on presents. The father figure was more inclined to spend the day watching tv and working on the computer, so I went with her.

It was a little odd at first, because there was a 20 minute wait for the restaurant, so we decided to go into the lounge, where we could order food right away. That was the odd part... sitting in a lounge at a tiny little table with my mother. It felt like a date gone horribly wrong. Luckily for me, she is a story library, so all I have to do is keep the listening cap on, and offer my opinion every now and then. After we finished, near the beginning of the extended post-dinner coffee drinking session, the topic of a boy from my church came up out of absolutely no where. I understand women have a complicated spaghetti-net of brain connections, and I'm usually pretty good with finding the path myself, but there was no connection this time.

The boy showed up at his home, where a young adult Christmas dinner was being held as a church function a few weeks ago. Younger sister was there, and apparently it was very awkward. He only stopped by to grab some things before going out for the night, so it wasn't like they were spending the evening with him. However, he apparently acted flamboyantly gay and made everyone uncomfortable. Sister brought this story up in December during one of our birthday dinners with the whole family, and I kept silent at that time.

When the mother brought it up tonight, she talked of how she wouldn't have responded like his mom did. Apparently his mom just enjoys the time she gets to spend with her son. My mom told me how she would have done something to fix the situation. She's more involved like that, and she would have done something before it became what it is now. She let me know that once these gay people find a target, they will pursue that target until they get what they want (which, in this context, was apparently the young man from church). She then asked me what my experience is like with that.. in school and such. Upon asking for clarification, it sounded like she wanted to know the level of gayness I come into contact with at school or with friends or in other areas of my life. And I completely avoided it. I told the truth, by saying that there are very, very few gay people at my school. She wondered if they were simply "closeted" with it, and I said no, there really aren't any. And then the conversation shifted to lesbians, then to her baby sitting, and on to suburbs and where people live.

I wanted to say something. It so sounded like she was finally presenting me with an opportunity to give my thoughts. And even if she wasn't, it was still a conversation I should have actively engaged in, rather than act completely uninterested in. Like I mentioned at the beginning of this, what a better way to begin the new year? 23rd birthday coming up in a little over a week, I could have finally started growing up.

Only it didn't seem that way. With talk of "trying to do something to change/fix it" I was scared to find out how she would respond. And knowing that we were at least an hour away from home, downtown, with her already dealing with having older sister #2 moving across the country with her husband in about a week, worrying about frail grandparents deciding whether or not they're able to use some plane tickets they were given to come out here for a visit in a few days, and a number of other stresses that she already bears, I didn't want to tack on another. It's been a difficult season for her.. why make it more difficult.

At the same time, if this was really her way of bringing up the topic to see what I would reveal...... I can only wonder why now. Even earlier in the night there were comments here and there that I didn't need to know. LIke when we were driving to Stanley Park to have a look at the devastated forest (which is horribly sad for anyone who has had the pleasure of experiencing the park in the past), we passed by the older apartment buildings near the beach, and she mentioned she had looked at them when they moved to Vancouver 30 years ago. She mentioned how, when the gays aren't all over the place, it's such a nice area. That's nice, thanks for sharing?

She'll never change. I hope at some point I'll be able to help her see that all gay men or women aren't simply drugged up club whores, or misguided persons who feel they have failed with the opposite sex. I'll let her say comments like that, only with special upgrades. Like.. "when the dirty promiscuous men aren't all over the place, it's such a nice area." I even considered, on the detour past the YVR and Richmond and Tsawwassen on our way home, that I could write a simple "I wanted to say this:" letter and give it to her tonight or tomorrow morning.

I can't. Not yet. It's my life, they're my thoughts, but I'm still her son, and she will need time to sort it out without worrying about other obligations and life events. And time, for this, is one resource I have in great supply.