complementary

Why did I assume identities were singular before? I mentioned the thought that two people could grow so different over time that they would no longer know each other. That may be true, but at the same time, wouldn't it also be true that the two people could form one shared identity, and each party would define him or herself in the other? It seems to make sense to me. Even more so when those two parts are torn from each other. When the members suddenly find themselves deprived of a sense of self. They become lost to their own being.

I see how it can be a good thing; defining and creating an identity through knowing someone, and loving someone, whether it's a shared identity or some sort of reciprocal identity relationship. One member is this, because the other member is that. I get it. It's reasonable, isn't it? But what if life happens? Is it worth it?

My grandmother fell and broke her leg a few days ago. She lives in Saskatchewan with my grandfather in the home he built for them in about 1947. He, and only he, laid the foundation, mortared the bricks, installed the plumbing, and electricity, and finishings. For the duration of their married life.. for over 60 years.. they have only spent one (1) night away from each other. My grandfather, working for the CPR, retired at a relatively young age, because he could. They have since spent half of their lives together; day, and night.

She's been resting in a hospital a few hours away in Regina, the capital, waiting for the bone to heal. He has been too weak to make the drive, despite his active lifestyle - up to 5 years ago he went to the local recreation center and swam laps in the pool, every morning. My 80+ year old grandfather. Later, his back began to give him problems, and he hasn't been as active since, including long trips in a car or airplane.

My uncle, who lives a few houses away, has visited him a few times to update him on the status of my grandmother, as word is received from my cousin who lives in Regina. He was going to drive my grandfather out to see her today. He was too weak to go. Instead, he sits at home, eating infrequent bowls of oatmeal, cup of coffee in hand, staring. At what, it doesn't matter.. the wall.. the window... nothing.. everything.. He's lost. He's half of himself, and he's acting accordingly, and we can't be there for him. Sure, my parents are figuring out how to find the money to make the long drive out there, but they won't be able to arrive for a few days at least.

What do you do when you're alone, with not even yourself to keep you company?

Everyone has always said that when one of them goes, the other will be quick to follow. I hope this isn't the beginning of that process.

...But I know it is.