passenger seat

Here's my new plan: I'm going to revert back to the original, "don't ask, don't tell" approach with my family. You have all learned by now that my younger sister and I have had a few talks about the contents of this blog, and their impact on our lives, and she has become one of it's readers. How regular of a reader? Perhaps we'll soon see, if she responds to the new rboLife plan v3.0.

It goes like this.

Step 1. Forget about university, apply for some real jobs, and get at least one of them.
Step 2. Earn money on a regular basis.
Step 3. Move out and start renting a place somewhere in Vancouver.
Step 4. Sell the car to avoid paying unnecessarily expensive insurance bills.
Step 5. Live.

Simple, isn't it? Just 5 easy steps to start living the sort of life I'm ready for. And 5 easy steps to getting the family's nose out of my business. I've learned from sister's thoughts that they would likely be much happier not knowing what my future might hold; and so I'll grant them that simple request. They may miss out on knowing who I really am, and learning the wealth of opinions and knowledge I was never able to share with them, but this plan is looking like it's the best option for everyone, after all sides are considered. And sure, I've said this sort of thing before. I've done the, "I need to move out," thing more times than I can count. The difference is, this time there's backing to it, and real motivation.

I mean it makes sense. Sis #2 out in Ontario calls maybe once every 3 weeks, and the rest of the time she's able to live her little housewife reno life without concern for the regular stresses of life with the parents. Sure she's missing out on things, like watching our nephew grow up, but she gained a new family, new setting, and a new future.

I'm not saying I want to go to that extreme, and I'm not saying I'll never talk to my family even if I still live in the same city.. I am saying it's time to gain some real independence and become a full member of society, and to be able to do it without any guilt or regret.

Down the road, if I end up finding a man to share my life with, maybe I could bring him along to Christmas dinner. Maybe they would understand. Maybe they would get it. Maybe they wouldn't want to get it. But then I leave, and go back to my life, and they can hide their thoughts away and go back to their lives. I know, it's not ideal, maybe it's not even very considerate since they are the ones who raised me. However, they're also the ones who can, at this point, limit my freedom and unload deep feelings of guilt, even if unintended. If by chance I find a woman, well then maybe I can visit a little more frequently if I so choose.

So where am I now. I'm at step 1. School finishes in a little over a week, and I'll make it. My income tax refund should be coming in the mail sometime soon, and it will help me get through the next few weeks until I find a job. I've applied to a small design firm downtown for a full time junior web/developer for an annual salary of $30-35k, and I'm in talks for a summer warehouse job in the city at $20/hr. Either option would be good enough for now; the latter giving me time to work on a real portfolio. Because once again, I've realized that I don't need school. I can't wait around for another year and a half, taking courses that don't teach me anything, just to get a job I'm more than capable of getting right now, or even last year or the year before. I've been ready. It's time to push myself. It's time to go.

"...as you are driving me home."