faust arp

How much information is too much information? In my absence I've been thinking of things to share on here, but, as you can see, I couldn't think of much. A lame rant about a school project doesn't really fill the void. Tonight, while chatting with Scholiast, I was able to clarify a few things. First off, I'm changing. Well, yeah, everyone is changing all the time, so that shouldn't be any different. However, in this case I think I'm changing into the sort of person I would never have thought I'd be 5 years ago.

Now that could be a good thing, and it could be a bad thing. Which of those it is, I'm not quite sure.. but at this point how much does that matter? Which leads me back to where I started this entry. In between moments of high stress and little sleep, ie. every week of school, I still make time to see friends. And every now and then I make time to meet someone new, whether it be a potential new friend, or a potential new relationship. This is how it's been for a few years now. I've mentioned the use of online profile sites before, and they've been pretty standard in shaping up my friend relationships to this point, as well as creating an opportunity to meet people to just talk to, and get to know. I like getting to know people. I like people in general, so the more people I know, the better mosaic of personalities I'm able to construct.

Last week I was talking to younger sis about my plans to move out in the new year with a good friend. He's one of my best friends even though I've only known him for a year. Asking how I knew him, I told her I met him on the internet. At this, she assumed I hadn't actually met him in person (and yet he was my best friend?), where I clarified that no, I see him probably once a week these days. He introduced me to the Monday night dinner+Chuck+Heroes gang that I've been enjoying time with since late September. Now, keep in mind, gay life started when I was 19. Having a friend for a year is a long time. My current 'best' friend, if I can say such a thing, has only known me for 4 years. Is that weird? Not to me it isn't. Not when all my other friends, most of whom I met through the internet, have known me for less time. But sister was paranoid that this friend I plan on moving out with was in love with me, and had to ask how I knew he wasn't, and so on. Le sigh.

Through all of this, and through numerous attempts to design a 'vancouver-winter' style for the blog, I've come to notice the little about me blurb in the side menu, and how it may no longer be a perfect reflection of who I am. Namely in reference to the Christian aspect. I still go to church 95% of sundays a year. I still sing with the worship band 3 out of 4 sundays a month, and am to be Joseph for a Christmas play/musical/choir thing this year. But between you and me, I don't think Joseph got dirty with the other carpenters. And he probably wasn't a semi-regular dj assistant at a gay night club. And he probably didn't stay out until 4am on weeknights, or rack up late night long-distance phone calls, or think too much about certain aspects of his health.

I came down with some sort of flu this week, as described by family members. After weeks of very little sleep and irregular eating patterns, I finally had a day and a half to relax. I woke up a couple times during the next night, and around 7am the contents of my stomach got to know the contents of the garbage bin near my bed. It's been a mildly dizzy 3 days since, but at least now I can eat without worrying about losing it. Is this the flu? no cough, no runny nose, no fever, just headache and dizziness? If it is, I am thankful I haven't had it in a few years, and I'd rather be rid of it sooner than later. If it isn't, then I guess life just got a little more exciting!

Either way, I need to take more care of myself, especially with my plan to muscle up next semester in preparation for Italy in the summer. I've become accustomed to eating 1 full meal a day, along with cereal and some sort of mall food-court lunch, which just doesn't do it for this metabolism. Since this little breakdown this week, and for a little while before, my dad has been asking me when the last time I ate was, almost every time he sees me. Even if I'm returning a plate to the kitchen to wash it off. It's a little bothersome now, because yes, I'm skinny, and I always have been, but I'm not starving myself. If I'm matching any ideals, they would be ones much heavier than I am.

So what does that all mean? How should I know, you're the ones reading it (and reading into it).