roadblocks

I was in 10th grade when I lost my best friend. His family lived across the street from mine; so naturally, we became friends even before kindergarten. He was the best friend I could have – we were both interested in Lego, computers, video games, rollercoasters, and later on, graphics and animation and all those fun things. In high school our interests began to differ slightly when he started up a band in his garage and he began to develop different musical tastes. That was perfectly fine with me, because best friends don’t have to be the same. Some time after, we began to talk less frequently to the point where I no longer hung out at his place for hours a day like I had before. It was later that I found I no longer had a best friend because of who I was thought to be.

Tomorrow's yesterday

I feel like writing something nice and long to make me feel good, but I just don't know what to say. In a big way, I created this blog in the hopes that I could finally find people with similar situations as mine, and people I could talk to about the things I have talked about on here. As I think I mentioned in one of the early posts, I didn't want it to become a grocery list of what I did today or yesterday or the day before that... but I do need to add some sort of daily happenings in order to make this thing not so haadkohh. Anyway, I won't be giving daily events in this post. hehe.

Well, except to say that I've reworked the design a bit, added some features to the side menu, added my blog to some directories, and just been havin some fun with it (like the playing live deal i've got goin on over there. you'll usually see some sort of country song or dance/oldies radio station, as thats really all i'm listening to lately.)

I'm going to pick up where I left off on establishment in order to keep some sort of continuity goin here. (I'll try to keep things chronological from now on and not jump around through time)

establishment

I think I already want to start getting less formal with this journal. It scares me when I look at what I wrote in that previous post simply because it is so formal and proper. i aint perfektly formal so i dont wanna act like it all the time. (it is fun every now and then, however, to confirm my belief that I do have a little class and cultural abilities.)

I intend to continue on with the last post throughout the period of time that I post on here so there's no need to rush back into the deep stuff quite yet. I want to blab a little bit more (blab as opposed to whine and complain which equals content of my previous blog) on me, myself, and that guy in the corner. And wouldn't you know it, I wasted all my energy on the build-up that I can't even remember what I was going to say... almost.

I constantly find myself trying to reach a place of maturity where I can begin to adequately question my surroundings and place in time; all hippy-like but without the green vacations on the clouds. I have always considered myself too mature for my age, but then I want to disregard that thought because someone who is properly mature wouldn't question his maturity.... right? bleh. I'm just sad that I was never able to have the average youth and childhood. I never went out to parties or snuck out of the house at night or blatantly disobeyed my parents. I don't have stories to tell of the time I.. did anything remotely interesting. My two years of university have so far been filled with extreme boredom and it's certainly no help that I attend a technical university in a shopping mall, where social activity is defined as the process of fragging oneanother over the lan.

manifestation

I have just been thinking how interesting it is starting out a new journal. There is no history, no information or context to put the content into. All there is, is this: Exactly what you are reading right now. It is what sets the tone and the mood for everything to come. As I type this I am building a context for myself, as well as a background and a memory. This is what makes the internet so much fun... if i wanted to, I could simply link to another site of mine that would provide a great amount of context to put all of the following posts into and everyone would be all fine and dandy. But I don't want to; I'd rather start out fresh and new.. something I've never really been able to do in real life or online (there have always been people that have followed with me). Regardless, this is where it begins.

And so, I feel I should start by introducing the topic this journal will most likely focus on for a long time to come...: homosexuality. THE GAYS as some members of the family like to refer to this group of people. My initial and relatively unresearched view on the issue is as follows: partially genetic, partially social/cultural with more emphasis on the latter. It greatly discourages me when extremists from either side of the subject completely disregard any credibility of the other. Fundamentally I cannot fully agree with the pro-gay or anti-gay lobbyists.... because I am unable to accurately apply it to my own life. For a long time I speculated and feared my sexuality (note, don't like the word.).