andiamo

The following entry is the introduction to RW in italia: my new blog home for the next 2 months. Please add it to your bookmarks :)

I finally felt like my preparations were under control. Months of work, weeks of planning, and a good number of days searching, buying, packing, forgetting, and remembering, led to this day. Not the day of departure, but the day of relaxation. The day of enjoying Vancouver one last time before I leave for 2 entire months. Summer, late to arrive, was in full swing, and the sun was setting. In good company, I walked the sea wall, watching crowds of fellow beachgoers lounge and laugh and watch the beach performers. The water perfectly reflected the glowing clouds above, edges brushed a vibrant pink, setting them apart from the saturated blue sky and lush green trees. I couldn’t remember the last time the world was so colourful, and I could barely make time to blink.

strawberry oeufs

When I walk, I often walk very quietly. It's not fully on purpose - likely the result of my slim stature, proper foot placements before taking the next step, and quiet clothing. However at times I find this can create potentially uncomfortable situations for people. For example, I have found that quite regularly, when walking in public, I'll intentionally drag a few steps when I'm getting close to overtaking someone on the sidewalk. I also walk very fast. If they attempt to walk faster to escape the odd shadow behind them (ie. me) that just doesn't work cause I'll simply increase the stride... and add a few more foot slurs until they hear me and move to the side. Is this odd? Mom says I need a bell (ie. a cat, or i suppose cow) so I don't startle her at home. Am I the only one who thinks this much about the sounds of walking?

guardian angel

I stepped out of the elevator and through the door into P4. Ahead, the Escape, loaded with belongings that had sustained me over the past 3 months. Behind, the life I quickly grew to love. Though my heart fully disagreed, money and time required that it come to an end. My original plan was to load the car and enjoy a quiet dinner alone, to be followed by a walk to English Bay to soak up my final downtown sunset. Luckily the clouds didn't seem to agree, and a dinner invitation was given by roomie and his boy. At the time, I knew this to be a better plan, so we hit one of the local Yaletown eateries and enjoyed each other's company and conversation. By 9pm it was obvious the sun decided to silently make its exit below the horizon.

headwaters

I wasn't sure what to say. Earlier on I had smiled and nodded, thinking it was an exaggeration to make a point. But when it was presented with, "Can you keep a secret?" a faint, but distinguishable feeling of guilt rose up in me. "I'm going to leave him," she continued. My cousin, going on 38, was preparing to escape the situation she had lived in for 18 years. It had reached the point where none of their 3 children, from 9 to 16 years, would speak to their father, or be comfortable in his presence. Her mind, and her body, deserved a healthier environment. And domestic abuse immediately became personal.

unconsidered

Surely it is one of the many miracles of this fine area of the world. The day can be dreary and wet; air so moist, the landscape receding into a grey fog, layer by layer. As clouds begin to darken, anticipating the evening, a small separation forms over the water. This sliver, its pale peach flesh visible in the distance, taunts us with the beautiful skies outside our reach. And then a line is drawn across the city, darkness turning into brilliant, horizontal light. The sun has descended between the clouds, casting out a deep, golden energy. Buildings ignite as their reflections burn with the rich, saturated glow. The light, so warm and penetrating, overwrites our memory of the cold blue storms to the east.

hide and seek

It's lonely out here in this world. Look out the window, and there are people everywhere. Some in groups, some solo, talking, walking, smiling, laughing, holding hands, listening to music, checking out the sights, making a call, shooting a photo, carrying some bags, pushing a stroller. I sit in my aquarium watching them go by. Ambient dreamscapes leak through my speakers and fill the room, bouncing off wall and floor. The sun sets, reflected off the glass towers surrounding me. I turn it up, hoping to drown out emotion. Trying to overwhelm my mind into a state of complacency. Sitting on the edge of my recently acquired bed, eyes glazed over, powerbook on my lap, cell phone at my side, I throw my head back, I close my eyes, and I let it go. I let him go.

come rain, come shine

Rufus crooning Judy in the background, I reach to grab a bottle of water from the cardboard night table beside my semi-inflated air mattress. So this is what living away from home is like, I said to myself. I like it. Or at least I liked the first 24 hours or so. We'll see how the upcoming weeks and months go, though I'm sure things will get better once I manage to get a real bed in here, and perhaps a chair or two in the main living area. Downtown already feels different. It feels both bigger and smaller at the same time. It's familiar, yet completely new. It's a feeling that's so different from any other I've experienced.

with every heartbeat

As patterns of days and weeks repeat over time, the brain gradually overloads. Think of a laundry basket that hasn't been emptied in a while.. and you can't remember where the washer is. That thing'll just keep piling up until you have nothing left to wear. And rather than go about your daily business in the buff, you realize you'd better start digging around for the machine so you can get those things washed up and back on the shelves. Although I just did laundry a couple days ago, today, for the sake of my sanity, is that day.

lunar

I've written before about my love of the weather, and of nature, and the environment. My obsession with clouds and colours. Tonight we have a nearly full moon that is so exceptionally bright, it puts the streetlights to shame. Before stepping out onto the deck, I fully expected my feet to sink into what seemed to be a layer of ice or white film, but turned out to be no less than the light of the moon. Amazingly crisp, after what seemed to be weeks and weeks of rain, slush, snow, and cloudy skies. But not tonight. Tonight is pure, clean, infinite space, littered with stars and the mirrors of the heavens. And I am grateful.

atonement

Let's start this off by saying I wanted to cry. I needed a good teary-eyed cinema experience, as I hadn't had one in a while. So. Picked him up, made our way into Coquitlam for some eats, and headed back to the theatre to buy our tickets and wet our cheeks. Error one: He beat me to the fastpay machine, which subsequently charged him before developing a printer error. No worries, we'll sort it out after the film. Error two: The film Atonement must now use it's namesake in repaying the emotional disappointment I experienced. Error three: The manager was kind enough to refund us for the earlier printer error in the form of 2 movie vouchers, but my guilt-ridden self felt like I was scamming him to give us free stuff. When really all he did was repay the tickets we doubly paid for.

jupiter

Of all the sounds in the world, there are none that bring me as much comfort as a strong windstorm through the cedars at home. I'm sure I've written about it before - lying in my bed as a child, listening to the branches sweeping and swaying. Often, the wind is so powerful I wake up and find the street littered with needles or limbs or full branches. Mom reminds me the entire area used to be a forest before they began building. Our home was the 2nd in the area, next to the show home. I guess they decided it would be a selling feature to keep some of the monster trees in the backyard. The sort with trunks that last 60 or 70ft before the branches even begin. The sort that may have been beautiful in a thick forest, but aren't so splendid when they're more alone... it seems at least one somewhere in the neighbourhood goes down every year, sometimes via chainsaw, sometimes via the wind. When the latter happens, it ain't so much fun.

resolution

The dark winter sky beyond the clouds begins to burn a deep shade of blue. Patches of snow reflect the increasing light as if each crystal was itself illuminated. Farms and fields sit still, covered in a soft layer of frost, waiting patiently. The lines bounce off the hood, one, then another, then another, in an eternal flashing pattern. My seat rumbles and sways with the texture below as the wind plays its lullaby. Perhaps, not so different from what my parents will soon enjoy on their flight to visit the prairie relatives as I return home to put myself to sleep. It is this day I have witnessed. This new year I have birthed. In pleasant company I did lay 2007 to rest, and in perfect solitude I welcomed 2008. It will be a good one, to be sure.

floating swiftly

If you happened to visit my blog in the past week or so, you would have likely been greeted with a somewhat obscure message. My host was migrating servers and I was unable to post to the blog like I normally would. However, I'd already written what I wanted to say, so I opted for a confusingly simple white page of continuous text. It accurately represented how I was feeling at the moment, so really, it was a good error on my host's part.

As far as I can remember, I wrote it around 2am on dec. 23rd, after laying in bed for hours, unable to sleep. It was a rough holiday season this year, and when it later began snowing on Christmas morning, and the snow began to stick in the afternoon, I was a full on Scrooge. But I eventually got over it. It was just different.. and that seems to match how most of my friends experienced the holiday this year.

crave

Winter came this weekend. And then it promptly left. Quite literally. Friday was rather cold, but dry. Saturday we had a few inches of snow. Sunday we had power outages, at least a foot of snow, and harsh winds. Monday we had monsoon rain and mild (if not downright humid and warm) weather, flooding, more power outages. And today we have sun, green grass, sand-covered streets, and a full 180degree rainbow. Weird, I tell you. Apart from that, I don't have much time to write much more right now. But hey, at least I've been uploading a few images lately? Check the flickr. Widescreen is fun. Snow is fun. Heavy rain and hydroplaning is not fun. Eating good food with friends and relaxing in front of the tv rather than working on a programming project is fun. Waiting in the classroom to present said programming project for over 2 hours of an hour-long lab is not fun.

lush

A couple weeks ago a friend gave me a personal gift. Nothing dirty, come on. It was a bath bomb. A big hard ball of chemicals and sparkly stars.

Now, being raised in a house with 3 sisters, I knew what it was. I also knew that people don't really use them (at least no one in my house... they just sat around on shelves and waited for that "special day" that never came). But today. Today felt like the day to do it. One final project presentation out of the way, the next project not due until Monday night, so why not treat myself to a nice relaxing bathe in a pool of.. whatever that thing does to water.

king george

It has come to my attention that a few drivers in this area of the world may not know how to properly operate a motor vehicle. And so, I present to you a few helpful tips and suggestions to help you get where you're going without me intentionally smashing into you with no problems.

cotton balls

to my friend:

i can't help you if you don't want to be helped.
you can have hope,
you can pray and dream, but
if you shut out all the options,
how will it come true?

400 occidental

Here I sit, in a coffee shop in downtown Seattle (Pioneer Square, to be more precise), typing away on an internet-less computer. Firstly, I'll apologize for being brandwashed, as I passed quite a number of small cafes and coffee houses, but the one I am currently in is a Starbucks. The one with no free internet. Why? The best excuse I can come up with is it's in a good location, and the fellow patrons seemed the most amiable.

outlook

Perhaps it was the daily photography. Or maybe it was the added stress of weekly presentations. In either case, I'm finding this semester, though less hectic than the previous few, is more difficult in a couple ways. Firstly, because the deadlines aren't as imminent, it means more time to procrastinate. Secondly, because there's more time to procrastinate, there's more time to think about being single. And with that, there's more time to visit online dating sites... and then become grumpy/sad about the prospects. Yep, that's me when I don't keep myself busy enough. Perhaps I should start up the photoblog again.. that required a good 2-hrs a day..

the block

As I continue working on my narrative piece (I think I might just be lazy and hand it in as a short story in some sort of neat physical form), I find it interesting that it's almost more personal to write fiction than to write about real people and events in my life. Does that make sense to anyone else? Or am I just backwards?

passenger

If it looks like I'm back, you'd be right. I enjoy this blog too much to leave it, and although I had intentions of setting up a much more visual/media rich site, it never happened. I'm not that much of a programming wonder quite yet.. so instead, I reworked the existing site and added a bit to make it something like what I wanted. In the end, my real goal is to share my life with you. And in doing so, share it with myself in a way I wouldn't otherwise experience. That, in itself, has been enough to motivate me to enjoy my time here more than I was able to in the past.

bridge

And so life has become real for the first time,' he said to himself as he turned onto the road home. The mountains standing in the distance stood strong in agreement while the setting summer sun painted fields and cotton trees and antique farm houses with the warmest glow he'd seen in many, many years. 'Surely this is a moment to remember,' his mind continued, 'A moment that will change the future if you give it the freedom to do so. The freedom not to fear defeat or failure or time itself. To create a future full of stories, memories, friendships, and knowledge to learn from, and to share with those around you.

the machine

I think it's time for another break from university. It would appear that 2 years at a time is as much as I can handle, but maybe I'll stay away for more than a year this time... I'll need to switch to one of the new degrees, as the one I've been working so hard on will be erased from memory soon.. but I think that decision is one that will benefit my sanity in the end.. and my sanity seems to be something that I haven't been taking very good care of lately.

measure of a man

and so it begins.....

seven kettles

I'm in one of those moods today. The kind where the burdens of life are just dragging you down. You know the sort I mean, when you just want to forget about any responsibilities or obligations and run away and take a little personal time to sit, and reflect, and enjoy the natural world. It's a little odd I'm feeling this way, and it came on quite suddenly. Perhaps spurred on by the acknowledgment that I've skipped the past 2 weeks of java lectures and workshops and missed another assignment, or by not seeing any of my friends for the past 3 weeks outside of school, or being overwhelmed by my financial situation and saddened by hearing from other students who received bursaries, who really didn't need them..

ballet slipper

The earth shifted a little last night, and I felt it. I stayed up for a few hours after writing the previous entry to finish reading a book I started Tuesday evening. "The Lovely Bones," it was called. The story resolved, the programming assignment left untouched, I turned off the light and put myself to bed.

prospect point

My opportunity presented itself today. The opportunity to open a dialogue with the parents, that is. It's January 1st, it could have been an interesting way to begin 2007, and the bait was there, suspended directly in front of me, but I couldn't bite. I was downtown on Granville Island having a nice dinner with the mom at The Keg. She was given gift cards for Christmas, and I'd never been there before... She was brought up understanding that New Years Day was the day to do everything you couldn't do on Christmas.. like have some more good turkey dinner, company, games, and all sorts of fun without wasting time on presents. The father figure was more inclined to spend the day watching tv and working on the computer, so I went with her.

future of family

I heard something today that greatly upset me. I was driving to school, 15 minutes late for a meeting to work on a project, and there was nothing on the usual radio stations, so I switched to the local Christian station. James Dobson, someone I never really minded in the past, was on and said he would be playing a recording of a “great event” that was held a few nights ago, called something along the lines of “family values” (I can’t double check right now because their website is interestingly unavailable at the moment)

I'm writing this even though I doubt anyone will read it since I sort of "officially" stopped blogging..

mere simplicity

"Christ says, 'Give me All. I don't want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want You. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half-measures are any good. I don't want to cut off a branch here and a branch there, I want to have the whole tree down. I don't want to drill the tooth, or crown it, or stop it, but to have it out. Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked - the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you Myself: my own will shall become yours."

mighty is...

School is almost finished for the semester. I had an exam Monday morning, Tuesday afternoon, and one more this upcoming Tuesday. Then I'm free (until I start working). The past couple weeks have been great, as a direct result of a play I saw with younger sis and her bf the Sunday before last. It was a play I had heard about a while ago, and tried to see how I could go with a friend of mine, but the time of the show and the subject matter would have made getting there and explaining it to parents a little.. uncomfortable.

cento

I remember when I used to dream. When I would imagine what the future might hold for me. A talented movie director? Special effects artist? Compositor? Photographer? Interactive designer? Musician? Singer? Husband? Father? One day I would get there and my life would be right. The person I was meant to be would finally exist.. I don't dream anymore. It feels like I've sold out to the world. I've said, "Fine, I quit," and let the currents toss me in whichever direction they desired. I write to distract my attention from what I really am. One-hundred pointless ramblings to prevent me from living the life I don't want to live. Congratulations. Gold star, please.

invisible

Sometimes I need time. Sometimes I create distance between myself and the world as a way to garner sympathy. Maybe if I don't post on my blog for a while, and don't sign in to MSN or visit other blogs then people will wonder where I am and try to contact me. Immature? sure is. that's just me and one of the many things about me that I need to work on. Although, sometimes it's still nice to have a break from everything.

Life is changing. People are thinking.

zihuatanejo

I'm sorry.

parachutes

discovery

The weather has been very interesting over the past few days. Late last week it finally stopped raining for a bit, to give us a perfectly overcast sky. As the days went on, the clouds slowly began to separate and some sunlight began to paint the landscape... quickly followed by a great wind storm over the weekend.

viaggio

The genitori are in Hawaii for a little over a week to take advantage of last-minute cheap airfare, and to get in one last vacation before dad starts his new job (yeah, 60+ and just got a new job; long, long story). That's nice for them. They called tonight to let me know they got to the condo and the views are amazing, and then mom made sure to hold the phone towards the ocean so I could hear the waves crashing. That was just cruel. But here I am now, home alone for 9 days... it's so nice.

pieces

Have you ever made bad decisions even when you knew the consequences wouldn't be favourable? I have.

the frog

I'm finally reading Michael Cunningham's A Home at the End of the World. The other day, while skipping my accounting lecture, I went to Chapters and I purchased it along with C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity. I've surprised myself at how much I miss reading for enjoyment... I think the last time I read a book purely for fun, prior to this fall, was about 7 or 8 years ago. Maybe I'll write something useful at some point. Time to go to bed and immerse myself in someone else's world. I'm such a hermit!

twenty-one

happy birthday to me.

reach for you

I'm exhausted. I worked late Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday; Wednesday I rushed out to church right after work to set up for the weekend, and then I was at the church from Friday noonish till late Saturday night, returning early this morning to practice and all. And now I prepare for another 6 days of waking up at 6:45 and not getting home till 10:30.

mickey

I lost a dear friend last night. He was one of those friends who wouldn't abandon you because of something you did or said; one of those friends who would always be there for you even if you couldn't always be there for him. He was the type of friend who would give everything he had and expect nothing in return. He was one of the few in my life to show what love really is, not only to me, but to everyone he met.

amazing

uluru

I've never cried so much during a single episode of any tv series as I did tonight during Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, with the Vardon family. If you didn't see it, you missed out, because the content on the website doesn't do it any justice at all.

"If one of you wants to be great, you must be the servant of the rest; and if one of you wants to be first, you must be the slave of all." - Mark 10:43,44

I do my best, but the son in that family beats me flat out.

deluge

It's the weekend already. I like how time goes by so much faster now that I'm in a neutral environment for the majority of every day. Without distinguishable daylight, there's no internal/environmental clock to deal with. Sitting at a desk for 8 to 12 hours a day makes each new day virtually indistinguishable from the last: By the time the weekend comes, one remarks, "really?"

For those of you who still use Internet Explorer, you would have noticed that a couple weeks ago I updated the site so it displays properly for you. I also fixed a little problem for Mozilla users. I'm nice like that.

presidential idol

Just you wait until polling stations are a thing of the past. The future is wireless sms voting! Or not.

I feel so compelled to offer some level of insight or opinion on the US election, but I know that almost everyone feels very strongly for one party and against another, and all who support it. There was a documentary on the CBC the other day that discussed how far this election has seperated the American people. They likened it to a level of segregation based on political affiliation; where entire towns would think, act, and be exactly alike; where any alien is considered utterly wrong and requires 'education' or expulsion.

lunar rest

How can it be 5 days since I last posted? The days just skip on by. It also helps when my time spent at home is used sleeping. Both Wednesday and Thursday I headed out to church right after work, before returning home around 9:30.

Wednesday was an enjoyable day thanks to the eclipse and beautiful weather. As I was boarding the bus home on Tuesday, the big, low moon grabbed my attention and held it the entire ride. I got to experience the same show on Wednesday, with the added bonus of the earth's shadow making its way across the distant surface. Later in the night, the sky seemed a shade of maroon, with the moon, bruised and dirty, sitting on the treetops. I wanted my camera, but such moments are often spoiled when attempts to capture them are made.

it's in the game

Well?

It's different. I'm still trying to adjust to this whole workday thing. I leave the house at 7:30am, get to enjoy the sunrise and traffic jams on the way to the skytrain, and get some exercise walking up the hill to the studio. After work, I get that exercise again walking down the hill, and have time to enjoy the sunset on the ride home; walking in the door between 6:30 and 7:30pm. Food is then consumed, television is watched, a little computer time, and then it's in bed with the lights out by 11pm. And this is a regular day, just wait till overtime starts.

milk and honey

Work starts tomorrow. I'm anxious. My only prior work experience, other than temp labour or web stuff, is mcdonalds.. and this is quite a bit different. I have to commute to work now. I'll have to wake up around 6:30 anywhere from 5-7 days a week. I hope I don't become too much of a fan of coffee. Perhaps I should start stocking up on hot chocolate right now. I've taken another music selection from Aaron. You know what, just read his music list. It'll be pretty much identical to mine.

chapter 5

It was today. I hadn't really realized it all this week, for projects and papers were being completed just about 24 hours a day since last saturday. But then it was over. I was given a hug by a classmate, who then added that I must stay at the new workplace until which time she will be looking for a referral to get in. And then I left.

I didn't look back.

As I walked out the main doors and into the mall, In The End by Linkin Park was the first thing I heard, particularily these lines:

slacker

it's easier (and more fun after writing a 10 page paper) to post pictures as opposed to writing. so i continue.

i'll get back to posting as soon as i can gather enough interesting things to say.

harmonium

It's good listening. Vanessa Carlton, Harmonium. So simple and beautiful.

I felt like posting today, and I felt like posting a photo. Instead of doing the piles and piles of homework I need to do today, I looked around on the net for an appropriate photo gallery script/plugin; and found none. So I figured I'll just post something I've already done.

It was taken last year around this time. More can be found at one of my many unfinished portfolios. I would post a link, but there are a few images of yours truly on there. Those of you who want to find them can, it's not hard.

permutation

On Sunday I:
- was granted an extension on an assignment.
- cut my own hair (I first wanted to shave it all off (it's about 6" at the longest points), but resigned to simply chopping off the mullet).
- handed in my 2weeks notice at mcdonalds.

On Monday I:
- received a voicemail from a woman at ea
- started and completed project prior to extended deadline.

Today I:
- arranged an interview at EA for Thursday.
- didn't do any homework.
- feel....... different.

The theme of this weekend has been:
- Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends.

shadow waltz

I'm not doing well today. It could be because I'm still drained from the nonstop projecting the last half of last week, and the seemingly wasted day I had yesterday after class. Most likely, I'm back to wanting to get away from this school. It's different this time, however. It's not just the usual "i'm tired of computers and teamwork and want to learn about brains," it's just... different.

calliope

Well I've pretty much been home alone most of the weekend. Yesterday my parents left for a family bbq around 2, and took my sis to school on their way. I had the house to myself until I had to get ready and work from 5-1am. Before I could do that however, sis stopped by with a friend to borrow a monitor because apparently his was being used by the student association for something. I was all grungy and curled up on the couch watching serendipity and caught quite off guard. Meaning, if she doesn't go for him maybe I just will.

such great heights

"I think I just needed some me time. I knew I needed it in the days prior to school starting up again. I guess I just lost track of it when assignments and due dates began to present themeselves. My focus got caught up in that, and in not wanting to face more challenges than I was prepared for. Don't get me wrong, I still would much rather be studying the more human aspects of life, but I guess I can just do that on my own until this portion of my education career - an introductory degree, if you will - is completed and I'm free to explore other areas."

note* this post was written on paper no where near a computer, and the date and time correspond to that moment.

powerobert

Well It's pretty official; I'm going to get an Apple powerbook once my student loan money comes in, and once I make up the difference from work. It'll be about $700 (CAN) more than I wanted to pay, and than I have to pay, but I just can't not get one. I've been obsessing over it for the past couple days now. I mean, I'll be doing my part to help advance technological culture past the days of Windows and non existant physical aesthetics.

It's just so sexy!

filler

I want to post something, but I can't think of anything to post. Except a post about wanting to post something. It could work... for a few sentences... and then I could blend it into some form of complaining about myself, like for instance my stubborn ignorance. The best example of which would be my lack of eating again. It's fun, but not really, but it is. I don't get it. It's almost like some form of sick challenge. To see how little I can eat during a day. And then I have no energy and am always tired, but do I change? nope. Cause it's fun, but not really, but it is.

I kinda sorta wanna learn more about eating disorders just to see how well I would be able to associate with people, while not actually being one of them.

dr mario

I'm sick. I saw it coming too; completely wore myself out on the weekend and the following days up until today. So now my "m"s are "b"s, "s"s are "dz"s, and "l"s are silent. Showing here: I hab a cod. I'b dzick. et cetera.

It's not too bad a thing though, because I havent been sick for a while and school hasn't officially started yet (first class is next thursday). Sometimes its just nice to be sick, and grab some chicken noodle soup and curl up on the couch, watching the rainy weather, and enjoying the comfort only such a thing can provide. And then have it interrupted by the all too pleasant nasal substance blockages.

The new student orientation went reasonably well if anyone is interested.

uberfun p2

Note the time of this posting.

Then consider the following.

uberfun

Short post - I need to be getting to bed.

I had school today. Classes don't start until the 7th, but I was at school from 9:30-4 for some orientation leader training stuff (making sure we know what to say when/if/etc. and all that good stuff). After getting nailed in the forehead by a mini peanut butter jar, which actually drew blood, and coming up with a group "talent" to display tomorrow, I came home. I didn't forget to stop by McD's on the way to confirm my shift.

hundred mile

We arrived home from 100 mile house at around 3am (went for cous' wedding, and then detoured to see an aunt and uncle who had totalled their van in an accident outisde of kamloops - both are doing relatively fine for those wondering). Apart from driving in it, I love the BC landscape. If I could marry a province, this would be it. It's just so diverse - the dense forests and mountain lakes, the broad, grassy planes and windswept hills, the frozen glacial pathways further north, British Columbia is "the best place on earth."

The wedding was amazing. My cousin and his bride make the most adorable couple I know, and their love for eachother is immense and immediately noticeable. I felt blessed just being there. That feeling would turn into despair as the weekend went on and I realized that I would probably never be able to experience such an event in my life.

toothpaste

I've been wanting to make a nice, worthy post for the past couple of days now, but I simply haven't had anything that I felt was worth sharing with the world - or at least as much of it that visits this site. Even though I am now writing something, it's less because I found a product of my own self, and more a product of a few points of interest. Notting Hill was on tv; I enjoyed the last 3/4 of it along with my dad, after showering upon arriving home from work. I then put on a few happy bliss type songs (vanessa carlton - thousand miles is one such that comes to mind) and read aaron's latest post. So I'm now officially in a very content state of mind and would enjoy nothing other than to inform you all of this.

yey technology.

Technology is oh so good when it works. Not like the other day when my monitor died. The good thing was that I finished printing all the programs for the wedding, and some brochures for church the night after the wedding. But sometime during the next day before jaunting off to another family event, my monitor decided to turn itself off. This would have been nice, had I been finished using the computer at the time. Insert a few more busy days with family and relatives and such, and I finally had time to browse around in the office in the basement for a monitor that works. First one, didn't work. Second one, was all screwy and crappy and took a lot of sweating to get working, but it seems to be holding up. The best thing about this (depending on which perspective you're looking from,) is that now it physically hurts my eyes to use the computer so there will be no more majority of days spent here in front of the screen. im grumpy and tired.

The cruddy thing about weddings, is that after it's all over the bride and groom get to go on a nice vacation while the rest of us who have been working on the wedding the entire time, get to work some more to clean it all up. oww... eyes...

mrs. married

I already miss her :(

top of the world

My dad received a phone call today, amongst all the wedding business. He talked for a few minutes, and ended up telling the person on the phone that he has a son whom he might wish to speak with instead. After snapping at me (loud enough I'm sure the receiver picked it up,) and telling me to get the phone upstairs saying its EA, I go up and grab the phone. We talk for a bit, he describes his reason for calling and more talking, then he concludes saying he'll mail something for tomorrow or so.

Needless to say I'm still quite confused, and not sure if this is infact going anywhere, mainly because he knows only my adress and phone number, and that I work at mcdonalds and own a pc and psx. It was sure more comfortable than the previous phone conversation I had with an employer.

fourty-days

I don't think I've updated on the job situation, so I'll do that first and get it over with. He called in the afternoon, on the 27th I think. We talked for about 10 minutes, (he estimated 20 to 40 in the email), and I answered some questions quite poorly, but it could have gone worse. I seemed relatively comfortable, and got us both laughing a couple times, but I don't know if that is worth hiring a potential employee on.

Apart from that it's been all wedding this, wedding that. I'm going to be soo wiped by the time sunday afternoon comes around. (wedding on saturday, but on worship team sunday morning, so afternoon is the logical stress completion date) and why am I hearing thudding noises inside the house, its 2:00am. People are asleep.

Onto more personal matters,

its still hot out.

And I'm still sweaty and tired. I hope Vancouver goes back to being non-stop rain soon... but only for a few days cause I like this whole "sun" thing. I was flipping through the channels earlier, and spotted Mr. Holland's Opus about 30minutes into the movie. 'Course I watched it, and was once again reminded about how much I love that movie and Richard Dreyfuss as an actor. Makes me all teary eyed, and then those teary eyes go and spill down my cheeks and make me feel like a twat when sis' fiancee comes in and sits on the other couch.

It was nice though, because I haven't cried for many many months... even if it was just about a movie, and all the other times I cry (unless it's from a yawn, of course).

if only

I wish I had something worth writing about, but I don't. And yet I still felt like making an entry... because its fun! weeeeeeee!

Weather is hot, body temperature is hotter in the caused-by-hot-weather type of hot. I wish I could still draw. Kyle at sparkology can draw well. Quite well. What other random thoughts can I convert to text... Brad Paisley - Whiskey Lullaby has a really sad music video - caught it whilst sis was watching her CMT.

So, I think I want to make another design already. More of a semi-new design, like this one was.. like a design upgrade. The header image is just too gloomy and there's no room for gloom in the summer. However: I don't have any nice beachy ocean photos on here, and I don't like using stuff I find on the net.... should I just give in and download a pic from somewhere? anyone have an opinion? do you even view the site with the prarie blue theme?

mcsigh

I'm supposed to be leaving to go to McWork right now, but I don't feel like it just yet. So instead I shall post. I simply need to say that I'm tired; tired of thinking, tired of sleeping, tired of ... trying to live. Now don't get me wrong, the last thing I would ever do is go and kill myself or somethin, and I'm not a drinker or a druggie or a sex addict so I can't even go and destroy my body that way. The way I destroy my body is with my mind. For the last week or so I haven't been able to fall asleep until around 4AM, even if I get into bed at 11pm. My brain will not quit.

Yesterday my mom tried to convince me to go to a bbq the youth pastor was putting on for the youth (im 20: not so much a youth). I said I didn't want to, sisters came home so I now had a ride to get there, so she made me go with them saying I need to get a life (in the nice here, im trying to help you, sort of way.)

The thing she doesn't understand is that I have a life, and I have many friends that I cannot see because she doesn't like me on the bus going out to vancouver.... so I sit in my room and therefore do not have a life. I don't know how to resolve it, and it is ruining the friendships I do have.

nope, not working

That post didn't really work. I almost want to delete it due to its.. uselessness, but I'm not going to cause you can just not read it if you dont want to read it. I've been really bored lately. Really as in wow, i'm really bored type of bored. The last time I got out of the house for something not work-related or church/family related, was at least a month ago... meaning the last time I saw any friends was over a month ago, and it's just really draining on me. Particularily because at home the mom always finds things for me to do, and plans my days for me ahead of time without telling me till I'm awoken by a frustrated figure annoyed that I didn't wake up earlier to do what I didn't even know I had to do.

finally something to look at

I finally got around to giving the site a design. Firstly, sorry if you use internetExplorer as your web browser, because the design won't look like it's supposed to. I'd recommend Mozilla Firefox; it actually presents sites as they're supposed to look = good. ie = bad. The design is somewhat based off another site I have come to look up to (such clean coding) but I created all the images and wrote all the code m'self so I'm proud. I also made myself get completely into CSS, meaning next time I do a redesign I will still be able to view the site exactly how it is now simply by putting up the old stylesheet = niceness. Along with my new styleducation, I taught myself how to use dreamweaver and all that. I had always used frontpage just because.. I liked tables, and frontpage was easy on the resources and quick to do what I wanted it to do - I couldn't stand dreamweaver for its unneeded complexity BUT for css, wow its perfect.

Now. I should be going to sleep because I have to work all day tomorrow, but posting is fun now that I have a design on it (and now that I know someone actually reads what I write, yey I have a reader ;P). I feel slightly more held back than I did previously because as I was trying to get the design working I gave the link to my test page to a friend, and didnt realise until later that it still showed the subdomain... smrt = me. I'll try though.

nerdigeek3.0

haha so I feel like a crazy person looking back at the posts I've made so far. But you know what? It's my blog, not yours. You don't like it? Tough, don't read it :P

I met Paul and Liz Brandt on Monday after he performed a couple songs at a promotional thing at my dad's work. It was definately the highlight of the week, and the summer so far... they're both such down to earth people; able to carry a real conversation with complete strangers and not make us feel like crazy fans or whatnot. New role model? i think so.

I'm still also trying to get a new job - although apparently not trying hard enough (so I haven't given out any resumes or applications, whats your point). I'm gonna try to work on my portfolio today and hopefully have something finished by the end of the week so I can finally rid myself of my mcjob before sis' wedding at the end of july... which would give me a month to make money for tuition. hmm. It'll work!